what you see isn't always what you get

Isn't it funny how when you think you want something badly and you get it.....it's not what you thought it would be? That's how I feel about living alone. I wanted it for the longest time, but now I see that it isn't all that its cut out to be.

forget about winter

This winter is not one that will be missed. Instead it will be one best left forgotten. The next few months will be stressful but hopefully the hard work will pay off. And I hope next winter will be more memorable.

the strive for excellence

I finally have given myself the opportunity to make something of myself. I sure as hell better not fuck this up, this is the only time in my life I'll be able to to do this.....Later it will be hard, it will seem impossible. I can't allow the same old pattern of self depreciation that has been the hallmark of my life take over. I can not fail I WILL NOT FAIL, since it is not an option. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough.....that for some reason I'm not capable of things that other people are capable of, it's times like these I curse my resolve for being so weak. I can't allow myself to be weak, or in this world I'll be eaten alive. I need to make sure I put my heart and soul into my work, into every single thing that flows forth from my pen; that it's perfection only then will I succeed. All I need to do is make myself capable......everything else will follow.